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16/04/17, 8:44 PG
[ married ]
Sometimes people would think that they're aren't loved by someone. But for me, i was grateful that they love me, they accept me for who i am, and enjoyed my music to the fullest. They are the people that i loved for all their supports and motivation.
sometimes they're so cute i can't resist reading their comments as i viewed them after uploading a new picture in Twitter. It made me wonder.
"what if someday they'll get tired of me?"
that one day, there was this fan, she had been to one of our fansign events before she could be called as a regular visitor. She is pretty, every fan of ours are pretty.
As usual, i would greet her with a smile. Her soft eyes seems red, I want to ask her so bad i hold her hand and said...
"I'm so afraid.." her lips quivering and she gripped my hands tightly. I asked her why.
"Changkyun-ah, I'm getting married next week, an amazing guy proposed to me last month and one of the thing that i worried the most was about loving you as well," I immediately felt her ring finger and there sat a diamond ring.
it looks really beautiful on her short finger.
"I love you too.. but what can we do. I know someday one of my fans will eventually get married and have children of their own. Someday, you'll forget us as we both get old together. But your heart, your soul is too precious to be given to us wholeheartedly. You deserve someone better. We'll always there to support your little world with our music, our humor. We'll serve with all of our hearts. Without you, there's no us now,"
She quickly smiled, a single drop of tear fall on her crimson cheeks. She wiped it off.
"I appreciate everything you've done, your music, your care, everything. I'll never forget you guys who have helped me get through life through your songs. It's really refreshing. Remember i will always remember you guys, support you guys and pray for you happiness. You'll might see me after this going to fansigns bringing my child," she laughed.
I was relieved and happy.
She was getting married. And she'll never forget us.
19/12/16, 11:43 PG
[ Endless Dance ]
It wasn't the first time he was nervous infront of the audience. The stage was huge, and he is the only person standing on the middle of it.
thousands of eyes upon him, but his eyes is only for the particular person.
"even if we got those eyes, we're still blind. but the heart is never blind,"
As the music started playing, the main camera swipped it's position in a form of transition. His stare became intense.
But he was blindfolded.
His hands followed the spotlight, grabbing a glint of light entering less than a half of the blindfold. Not much than an electric flux can occur. His slender fingers became one, left and right, pulling his hips up and lift one feet towards the front.
The shoes he's wearing makes squeaking sound, also following the upbeat melody, eventhough the yells and the cheers are much more louder. He did as he practiced.
His chest was heaving, lips apart letting oxygen enters his body, infusing into his heamoglobin cells. Recharging again. He twirls and lifts his chin up high, making the veins on his neck visible. The camera zooms in making the fans go crazy.
"Am i in love with you?"
"Or am i in love with the feeling?"
he follows his heart with the right beat. His heart never lies throughout the entire dance.
the music stopped.
15/11/16, 1:16 PTG
[ s t r o n g ]
✖ 3.0 forte ✖
"wake me up from this deep slumber and
tell me to be strong again,"
Accidents happened in a blink of an eye. It just happened without noticed. Which brings a life of a person into a whole new level.
He, lost his legs. He thought his life is worse than a blind person. He lost his freedom, his smiles, his tenderness.
the cold night was nothing like he used to have before, where he used to have the nights where he hoped for a better tomorrow and be grateful for the day he had. He hugged his knees tight and wandered his eyes around the floor towards the door.
"I thought you're already asleep," the figure closed the door behind him and stared the boy. A slight teary dark brown orbs discovered.
Don't you give up nah nah nah
I won't give up nah nah nah
-JBieber
"You're always a strong person i've ever knew, where was the person?"
"He was asleep in this dead, unowned body" the boy tried not to spill even a single drop of tear.
"Should i wake him up? Tell him how strong he used to be? The world is beyond the borders he once traveled and his disability will never ever block his ways in this fiery path of adventure he chose. Because i know, he's a strong person,"
he is a strong person. I trust him.
"Thank you," a glint of smile appear
"Goodbye," - relief
the person who was once standing a the door made his way into the midst of air.
I will miss you, old friend
14/11/16, 12:34 PTG
v i d [ a short story ]
❌2.0 jaune et brune❌
"Kun, happy birthday,"
He is a passionate boy. No.
He was a passionate boy.
He called that little thing in his hand 'Kun'. The small camera that was given by his late father.
why is that thing so important?
"Someday he'll leave us, he doesn't have any chance"
it runs in the family.
To him, Kun was his best friend. He used it everyday. To the point that he forgot.
2 months after his death.
The woman picked up the little camera. There was a collection of memory cards beside the camera.She picked up the cards and played it in the camera.
To the point she reached the last memory card.
"Hello Kun! It's been 4 years I'm with you. Aren't you happy up there?"
Up there?
"We share the same tears back then.To the point i always saw your eyes behind those lens that assures me to be happy like the last time you said. At the very...l-last breath of yours,"
What is this?
"Kun, our friendship will never end, i'll meet you up there a few months more. You're watching me right?"
Kun is a real person.
"I called this camera after you back then. Because i know you can't watch me because you're far away, so i thought of this little buddy like you, because you always stick with me,"
She went to the grave, bringing along flowers. along with the camera. She pressed the camera's main button.
smiled.
"Jackson dear, you're watching this, right?"
12:03 PTG
w y d [ a short story ]
❌1.0 vert et blanc ❌
TRIGGER WARNING[blood and knife]: dont read if you feel uncomfortable
2 am.
he's mind is empowered by a feeling. He traces his jawline infront of the mirror. None other than a spark of dark green colors behind him. His hanging soul trying to find his own self.
"It's not perfect,"
"It's hideous,"
"I am ashamed of having a son like you," the words that came from the parted lips of his guardian pierced his little soul.
He reminded her of him. The father of the child. The violent person witnessed by that child.
"Look at that kid, he's so ugly," the other child threw the balled paper towards him.
Knife,
Dancing. Tracing around his prominent cheeks. Creating a trace he wanted. He hated the chubbiness. He hated everything he owns on his face. He owned the face of a cruel men. Red shiny liquid made it's way towards his slender neck. The pain he felt was satisfying.
well beauty is pain.
mt: wyd?
pjy: nothing
pjy: just playing
mt: fuck u.
mt: I'M FUCKING COMING DON'T TOUCH A SINGLE THING PARK JINYOUNG.
*last seen 2.10 a.m*
mt: shit
The red liquid mixed with salty tears, He looked at the mirror.
The knife started it's dancing one more time. Playing with the beat in the latter's mind.
rather than dancing along his chest, it directs to a hand. He felt the spark that overwhelmed his back turned into white. The noises playing in his mind blurred and lost it's way out.
Silent.
2.20 a.m
"Stop doing it again, please."
He cried again.
But with relieved tears.
10/11/16, 11:41 PG
Changing Canvas and Brushes
Assalamualaikum.
ars.
So there's a few weeks before i'll start my new semester, and i'm hoping for a better and happier enviroment for the semester. The most important thing is i'm getting fatter day by day.
Today's topic is just some 'ayat-ayat melalut' that i just want to type about. because i hate hiding it in my heart because it will explode, and i might do something out of the comfort zone like i used to do. And i don't want to repeat the same mistake. I don't care who'll read this because hey, as if you don't have a crush before at someone.
sometimes i don't want to call them crushes since it's just for a short term and then poof i'm back to fangirling park jimin back then hahaha. but it's the intention to know their natural behaviours. When you have a few crushes, you'll know and discover that each and every people are not the same. They're guys who respect your heart and they're a few who hate you for messing up their life and they're just those who doesn't even flinch a bit. And at some point, you can predict how they will someday treat their future soulmates and also you can try to look back at yourself if there's anything you're lacking or you need to fix, but let me tell you,
be yourself and for that a person will someday love you for who you are, for your flaws that in their eyes are what makes you shine more than anybody else.
if someday your crush rejected you well, be their good friend who will help them if they're down. It's not about trying soo hard to get his heart back but its about keeping up a good friendship back and both of you will still keep being happy yeah. And someday they'll be grateful for your presence and pray for your life.
If your crush treats you well, where sometimes he's actions looked like as if he also have a crush on you, it's better to just be you.
i remember this one friend who treats me well. And sometimes i am entertained by his presence. He might not be the ideal guy girls wanted, he isn't that perfect. But he has his own sense of humour, we once had some small talk but yeah back then i was a bit taken aback when he request to study together with me, i was thinking that maybe he just need a study partner so i agreed. But damn i was playing with my phone a bit lol. And there was that one day where it was my birthday and suprisingly he was the first person who i only know for less than five months that wishes on my birthday. And i was thinking that he might've discovered my tweet on twitter so yeah.
I still remember on the second day of english class he told the whole class that he once had a crush on a girl but she rejected (i don't know how she rejected him) but i hope someday he'll find a good person who sees the positive things he has. he might curse a lot but humans can change,right? We can change for the better even if it takes baby steps. i am grateful for him filling up a bit of my life. not only him but also my other classmates as well because they're among the most awesome friends i had and i learn a lot from them.
i was hearing All We Know by The Chainsmokers ft Phoebe Ryan. Its a good song you can hear during the sun is going down or during midnight and even in a journey.
Lastly, it's normal to have crushes. You'll learn pain and happiness but don't let them drown you from reaching from your dreams :) Even if you have insecurities, you deserve to be loved and happy.
7/11/16, 2:49 PTG
Random Facts About Me
Assalamualaikum
whatta suprise for making a useless post for the day lol.
it's already the 28th day of my holiday.(yeah i counted the days) oh god i'm writing those kinds of crappy post again (but hey, at least i updated my blog)
1. My current height is 165 cm yeahh (i don't know from which sides i inherited my height)
2. Hand length is 17cm (i need this since i measured along with some of my friends)
3.I have a thing for sweater and sweater paws (i don't have a sweater but i wish i can have one)
4. current phone is lenovo A3600 (yeah i know mine can't beat y'alls iphone)
5. I'm a kpopper, if you would ask which group i can't tell you because i basically stan any groups with good music.
6.I love to compose songs and sing and dance crazily eventho i messed up the entire thing but i dont care go die.
7.I cursed a lot but not in front of people especially my parents.
8.My face becomes red if i am angry.
9.I'm emo as hell from 2am to 6am.
10.i don't talk too much at home but if it involves something i like i'll talk like a bullet train.
11.If i am comfortable with that person i'll start to talk nonsense and act crazily
12. I have a thing for snapbacks,earphones, turtle neck shirts and oversized shirts.
13. Grey and dusty pink is the greatest combination.
14. Most of my bias starts with J- Jimin, Jaebum,Jongdae,Joshua (i'm so done)
15, I have a severe insomnia
16.If you ever found me emo all of sudden that means i've just heard some emotional ass music.
17. music currently hearing to: GOT7's skyway, Shawn Mendes's Stitches,BTS's Interlude:Wings and BTOB's I'll be your man.
18.i DON'T stan idols for their faces, i stan them for their good music and lyrics (their visual is just a bonus for me)
19.I'm not cool. i have my own low self esteem, i have inferiority complex towards my skin. but i don't give a sht
20,My words can stab people so bad they can hate me so bad. that's why i try to avoid talking too much(eventho sometimes i failed)
21. Tarts, pepperoni pizzas, cheesecakes, meat, cream puffs
22. Sambal goreng, sambal belacan, masak lemak cili api, masak cili hijau (drooling)
i'll be back with some proper post. till we meet again, see ya!
31/10/16, 3:28 PTG
Skyway: Pengalaman di Pusat Asasi Dengkil 1
Assalamualaikum
i'm the one dabbing.. lol.
Heyyyy blog it's been awhile i'm posting things here because every time i want to write in my blog, things get carried away and a list of drafts were created.
Congratulations to me for finally became a foundation student. *claps for myself*
*Turns to Malay mode*
Apa jadi dekat temuduga IPG dulu?
Huh? Yup aku lepas UKCG dan telah ditemuduga untuk masuk ke IPG, tapi apakan daya, rezeki bukan kearah mengajar anak-anak kecil anda, TAPI.. mungkin akan mengajar anak-anak remaja anda? Impian aku sebenarnya nak jadi cikgu sekolah menengah jadi bila dapat tahu aku tak dapat tawaran tu, aku tak adala rasa sedih sangat. Bukan main lagi masa ditemuramah cakap dengan penemuramah tu nak jadi cikgu. Mungkin rezeki bukan kearah tu.
Sekarang tengah belajar dekat mana?
Sekarang aku belajar dekat Pusat Asasi UiTM Dengkil, ambil Asasi Kejuruteraan. (Aku serius tak tahu kenapa gila dan yakinnya aku terhadap jurusan ni) aku nak sediakan gambar tapi aku rasa korang semua boleh google kut sebab keadaan kampus masih sama dengan gambar disediakan sebelum ni. Yela kampus tu umurnya baru setahun jagung so kemudahan masih baharu.
Macam mana nak dapat masuk situ?
Ikut pintulah
.
.
ok..so kalau nak masuk Pusat Asasi femes bebenar tu kenalah ada result SPM yang gempak, markah kokurikulum yang tiptop. Kalau ikut jurusan aku, kenalah sekurang-kurangnya C+ untuk Matematik Tambahan, Matematik,Fizik, dan Kimia(zaman aku la) TAPI MUSTAHIL WEH. Aku paling kurang pun aku pernah jumpa student-student engineering 6A SPM kalau KAU?? AGAK-AGAK? Kalau kau nak apply Asasi Sains boleh tukar Fizik tu ke Biologi. Kalau pasal Asasi Law kau boleh tanya orang lain sebab aku nak terangkan aku tak beberapa tahu sangat takut tersalah info.Tapi kalau dah rezeki kat situ alhamdulillah.
Suasana belajar?
Bagi aku pembelajaran di pusat asasi ni lebih mudah berbanding budak matrkulasi (pendapat aku la).Lecturer sangat baik dan sporting dan penjelasan semasa mengajar sangat bagus, jadi mungkin kalau korang ada masalah memahami kenala jumpa balik lecturer tu ye. Subjek disini dipelajari sepenuhnya dalam bahasa Inggeris, jadi korang mestilah ada pemahaman yang baik tapi bagi aku (sebab aku dulu sekolah menengah belajar dalam bahasa melayu) tak ada masalah setakat ni. Jangan risau sangatla pasal masalah bahasa ni (melainkan korang ada masalah dengan bahasa inggeris..sila baiki bahasa kedua anda sebab penting untuk pelajar asasi kejuruteraan) Nota pensyarah ikut pensyarah masing-masing. Jangan risau pasal berpanas semasa kuliah kerana setiap bilik,dewan,makmal kuliah ada pendingin hawa. Bukan alasan untuk tidak ke kelas
Sistem Pembelajaran kat sana?
Setiap jurusan ada 6 subjek korang kena ambil, kalau macam aku, aku kena ambil Inggeris, Tasawwur, Fizik,Kimia, Matematik dan Sains Komputer. Lepastu, setiap subjek utama yang aku bold tu ada 3 jenis kelas iaitu lecture class, tutorial class,lab kecuali Matematik ada 2 je. Pensyarah untuk setiap kelas selalunya berbeza ikut rezeki masing-masing. Kalau korang join Asasi Kejuruteraan, memang betul perempuan sikit berbanding lelaki. Kalau macam group aku, kitorang ada 9 perempuan, 17 lelaki.
Dan bilangan pelajar asasi sains menjadi sebaliknya. Biasanya perempuan asasi engineering lebih senang rapat sebab sikit kemungkinan nak membentuk puak agak rendah. Aku rasa lelaki engineering baik-baik je Insya Allah okay je semuanya kalau ada kerjasama yang baik.
Best tak kolej kediaman kat sana?
Kalau aku letak satu nilai antara 1-10, mungkin 8.5, sebab kolej kediaman masih baru, dan bilik memang memuaskan hati, satu rumah ada 6 penghuni dengan 3 bilik tidur. Masuk-masuk ada bilik air ada shower ditepi dan ruang belajar sederet untuk keenam-enam penghuni. Setakat ni aku tak pernah kepanasan sebab ada kipas luar dan dalam bilik tidur, walaupun sempit dan kecil tapi korang bukannya nak duduk lama pun kat situ, 2 semester je. tu pun rumah macam tu masih jenuh nak membersihkan kan? termasuklah aku..kecil tapi selesa. Korang bukannya boleh masak pun sebab dilarang keras.
(BERSAMBUNG)
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