ars. 

So there's a few weeks before i'll start my new semester, and i'm hoping for a better and happier enviroment for the semester. The most important thing is i'm getting fatter day by day. 

Today's topic is just some 'ayat-ayat melalut' that i just want to type about. because i hate hiding it in my heart because it will explode, and i might do something out of the comfort zone like i used to do. And i don't want to repeat the same mistake. I don't care who'll read this because hey, as if you don't have a crush before at someone. 

sometimes i don't want to call them crushes since it's just for a short term and then poof i'm back to fangirling park jimin back then hahaha. but it's the intention to know their natural behaviours. When you have a few crushes, you'll know and discover that each and every people are not the same. They're guys who respect your heart and they're a few who hate you for messing up their life and they're just those who doesn't even flinch a bit. And at some point, you can predict how they will someday treat their future soulmates and also you can try to look back at yourself if there's anything you're lacking or you need to fix, but let me tell you,

be yourself and for that a person will someday love you for who you are, for your flaws that in their eyes are what makes you shine more than anybody else. 

if someday your crush rejected you well, be their good friend who will help them if they're down. It's not about trying soo hard to get his heart back but its about keeping up a good friendship back and both of you will still keep being happy yeah. And someday they'll be grateful for your presence and pray for your life.

If your crush treats you well, where sometimes he's actions looked like as if he also have a crush on you, it's better to just be you. 

i remember this one friend who treats me well. And sometimes i am entertained by his presence. He might not be the ideal guy girls wanted, he isn't that perfect. But he has his own sense of humour, we once had some small talk but yeah back then i was a bit taken aback when he request to study together with me, i was thinking that maybe he just need a study partner so i agreed. But damn i was playing with my phone a bit lol. And there was that one day where it was my birthday and suprisingly he was the first person who i only know for less than five months that wishes on my birthday. And i was thinking that he might've discovered my tweet on twitter so yeah. 

I still remember on the second day of english class he told the whole class that he once had a crush on a girl but she rejected (i don't know how she rejected him) but i hope someday he'll find a good person who sees the positive things he has. he might curse a lot but humans can change,right? We can change for the better even if it takes baby steps. i am grateful for him filling up a bit of my life. not only him but also my other classmates as well because they're among the most awesome friends i had and i learn a lot from them.

i was hearing All We Know by The Chainsmokers ft Phoebe Ryan. Its a good song you can hear during the sun is going down or during midnight and even in a journey. 

Lastly, it's normal to have crushes. You'll learn pain and happiness but don't let them drown you from reaching from your dreams :) Even if you have insecurities, you deserve to be loved and happy.